Mr. Allen's
Classroom
Identity and Fear In The Classroom
I have created and organized the following information for my Education 5773 class, Community Perspectives on School and Society, at Acadia University. Parts of our course have been based on Parker J. Palmers book, The Courage to Teach. Using Parker's observations on identity for a basis, I conducted research which focused on a teachers personal life, professional life, and relatable characteristics that may or may not join them together. For this study, I interviewed/questioned 8 teachers from Calgary, Alberta. All eight teachers work in an elementary school.
In his book, The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher's Life, Parker J. Palmer discussed a crucial relationship facing teachers in the modern classroom. He believes that "good teaching cannot be reduced to technique; good teaching comes from the identity and integrity of the teacher. (Pg. 35)" Palmer felt that good teachers can join their self, subject, and students in the fabric of life. Of course, this process is not an easy one and it is the culmination of the difficult balance that must be achieved between ones identity and integrity. Parker stated that Identity lies in the intersection of the diverse forces that make up an individuals life, and Integrity lies in relating to those forces in ways that bring wholeness and life.
Parker argues that teaching is rarely effective when there is a gap between Integrity and Identity, that when a teacher inwardly integrates their self, they are able to make the outward connections that good teaching depends on (Pg. 39). This alignment allows a teacher greater trust in their decision making as it is created and presented with more fluidity and authenticity.
The element of fear was established by Parker as a very influential element in a teacher's identity. He saw fear to be a hindrance that can keep a teacher from presenting their true identity in the classroom. Fear has the ability take hold and can keep educators in a box due to anxieties about making a mistake or being vulnerable to an outside force. There are fears in the professional world of teaching that can happen inside and outside of a classroom but neither can provide a positive impact until they are accepted and welcomed. Fear is different for every teacher, it can be fear of not being liked (by peers or students), fear of being judged, fear of underperforming, and so on. Parker claims that when we let out our fears contain us, it "shuts down those experiments with truth that allow us to weave a wider web of connectedness (Pg. 55)." Remember, good teaching, in Parkers eyes, is done through outward connections with the many changing aspects of our environment. So, without the confidence to connect, to move past our fears, we run the risk of stagnating in our profession and students ultimately pay the price of a fearful teacher.
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The Study
Identity and fear took a front seat for my research project. I wanted to know if there were patterns that may emerge in a teachers personal characteristics and the professional persona that they present in the school. Being that fear is a part of who we are, and a part of who we present to world, it is an important contributor to identity.
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I have come to understand identity as who are, constructed by how/where we were brought up, and how each step and choice influenced our environment while our environment also influenced us to make such choices. Identity is how we how we understand ourselves (past present and future) and how we project this understanding, conscious or unconsciously, into the persona we present to the world. Fear is constant in every one's life, but it exists differently for each person. I am afraid that my students are bored even though I have almost exhausted all options I am aware of to bring some excitement to our classroom. I used to be afraid of speaking in public. Currently, I seem to be developing a fear of outward criticism from parents. Each person and professional has their own collection of identified fears. Some fears mysteriously surface over time, others may be directly related to traumatic events in a persons life, but one way or another fears develop and become very real for all of us.
In a professional sense, I understand fear as unofficial limitations/intimidations that we have in our lives. We may not try new projects in case they fail, we may be constantly paranoid about being judged, or experiencing feelings of guilt for not always giving a best effort. Fear exists differently for each person, and this ultimately influences the persona's that we bring to the workplace
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I asked my 8 teachers to complete a survey with multiple choice and short answer questions. Some participants were asked to speak further on particular points. Before each survey, I described identity and fear to each participant. I portrayed the concepts as they were presented by Palmer Parker, as I understood them, and encouraged the participants to internalize fear and identity in their own terms during the survey.
Professional/Personal Approach
Of the eight teachers that I chose for this survey, two participants were under 29 years old, four were between age 30 and 36, one was between 37 and 45 years of age, and the last participant was between 46 and 55 years old. Teaching experience was relative to age. Both participants under 29 years old had less than five years teaching experience, there was a range of roughly five to ten years experience for those aged 30 to 36, and 16+ years of teaching for both participants aged 37 and up.
Half of the survey participants identified with a "realistic" approach to their personal life, with three believing their approach was "optimistic," and one teacher had an "anxious" outlook. The "anxious" selecting participant was under thirty, and said that they have made progress with this underlying emotion but that it is still ultimately present in their daily life. However, it was interesting to see all but one of these participants select an "optimistic" approach to their professional mind-set. A "realistic" approach was the only other option chosen for this questions, it was selected by the other the teacher under 29 years old. She selected "realistic" for both her teaching and personal approach.
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I had some minor discussions with the participants about an observable contrast between personal and professional approaches, and a similar theme emerged. The four participants who were realistic in their personal life but optimistic in their professional life stated a conscious shift in mind set. One participant stated:
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"I have a family. I am an organizer in our household and feel a need to keep our family in tact. As much as I want to tell myself and my family to chase goals, I also have to keep our finances, and resources, and things like that in mind. With my students, I only really make a difference in their schooling life. So yeah, go big or go home. At school, and when learning anything new, everyone should be optimistic and go for it. But we all need some structure and stability in life, but this is a home thing, not a learning thing. I feel like teachers should be optimistic about their students learning, we should want them to shoot for the stars and shooting for the stars works when learning new things, but not really when you've decided to spend all your income on video games, or movies, or furniture. A realistic assessment is needed, so a responsible decision can be made."
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Seven of the Eight participants all aligned their opinions in a similar light, and felt that "optimism" was their basis to teaching. However, there was one lone wolf. The same participant who felt their approach to their personal life was "realistic," also felt the same way about her teaching approach. She stated,
"I am all for high hopes and ambitions for all students. But I have had more success from knowing my students and giving them tasks that suit their needs and abilities. I think being realistic meets the learner more and optimism can be based on make-believe. Sometimes little Billy can't reach the stars, so stop pretending. By being realistic you can at least make sure he gets to the clouds."
Identity and Fear
With seven of the eight participants all believing that they take an optimistic approach to teaching, I was able to use this similarity as a common ground before real contest was noticable. Each teacher was optimistic about the possibilities within their classroom and students. Only the one teacher, who reassured me that she did not undervalue an optimistic approach, refused to abandon the benefits of prioritizing an honest and "realistic" approach for her learners. I was pleased to observe this trend towards optimism in the classroom, it's reassuring to know that teachers all want to believe that their students have no limits. "If I don't believe anything is possible, my students may take the same approach, and that just can't happen. They should believe that they can accomplish anything and everything. If they don't, I will for them, and I will continue to do so with the hope that it catches on!"
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The overall intentions of each teacher were remarkably similar, but they all saw their main classroom focus differently. All eight teachers gave a variety of answers for their personal goals when inside of a classroom. It was also interesting to compare these goals to their personal values in life. A direct link is portrayed if the answers are juxtaposed. However, I expected teachers to all sense this link between their personal and professional life but some rejected the idea.
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The participants in this survey seemed very self-aware of their identities, but not all of them saw a natural link between their personal characteristics and their teaching persona. Their identified fears showed a greater disparity when compared. Many of the identified personal fears of the participants aligned together, common themes were health, social criticism, finances, and a balanced work/personal life. But I was not able to see a notable link between these fears and classroom/professional fears. In some cases, similarities were observable. One teacher worried if their "outside friends," implied as a distant friend circle outside of their close family and friends, were critical and judgemental. The same teacher claimed their biggest fear on their professional agenda was criticism/negativity from parents. And this teacher was not alone in this fear. In fact, six teachers referenced a fear of being judged, criticized, laughed at, or disrespected, by their colleagues or other school stakeholders. I found this interesting because not a single teacher had mentioned their intention to focus on professional growth but were still concerned that they were being dis-respected as a professional.
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When I compared personal/professional approaches, similarities were much more evident and linked. Fears inside and outside of work showed a much greater level of disparity. Professional fears were very similar among participants but not necessarily linked to evident personal fears. Personal fears seemed to be created from life events and experiences, they were exactly that; personal. Professional fears seemed much more common and stereotypical as they were mainly premised around a desire to do a good job. Yes, some links were apparent between the two themes but I felt that professional fears did not show a direct link to personal experience. There may be mild to medium influence that personal experience brings to the workplace, but the identified fears in this survey did not show this with great evidence.
Observations
An unexpected "hot topic" that emerged from this study was found in the divided opinions on a separate or similar teaching and personal persona.
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There were a few teachers who were quite passionate about the unofficial requirement of holding both personal and professional identities. Some teachers felt their personal and professional persona were very similar, while others consciously discussed the difficulties of establishing one separately from the other. This frustration was directly referenced by four of the survey participants, and slightly referenced by two others. Surprisingly, all six of these participants were 35 years old or younger. One teacher felt that they were much more fun and outgoing outside of school, and held an overwhelming urge to suppress this side of herself when at work. Two female teachers both made a very similar observation that they are quite confident and organized at work, but are frustratingly indecisive and sheepish in their home life.
I cannot not clarify a preferred or more common approach to this double persona pickle, but I did speak with a few teachers, after this survey was completed, and opinions were inconsistent. Some teachers were determined to keep their personal personality alive and separate from what they felt was a more strict and limited teaching persona. Others were confident and comfortable knowing that they held one personality that showed slight shifts and alterations depending the personal or professional setting. A need to keep these two persona's separate was more common, but not limited to, younger teachers. They often felt that their mindset and personality at work took excessive effort, and being "themselves" or "less professional" was easier and more relaxing. The two senior teachers in my survey felt their personal and professional persona's were very similar. It may be a coincidence, but when asked about this contrast, one of them stated, "I don't even think about that at all. I might have when I started out, maybe they have just sort of blobbed into one version of me."
Many teachers say its impossible to leave work at work when you are a teacher. Teaching is regarded as a job that requires much of your time, effort, and energy; a younger participant made a very similar statement in their survey. It could be possible that, over time, the mentality and stresses of work seep in and influence our personal lives forcing our two separate persona's to slowly mix together. Either way, this survey portrayed a warming picture. Teaching, and the personal efforts and attributes that go into it, may be different to everyone. One's determination to work without fear, or in spite of it, may be not possible. Fears are hard to eliminate, but can be worked on, challenged, and even changed. But whether fear is present or not, good teaching may be based through an alignment of identity and integrity. Each teacher in this survey supported the argument that teachers bring their natural selves to the classroom and base their teaching habits through it. Each classroom may look different, and each teacher may exemplify different traits, but teacher share a common bond over their determination to help students learn, and to make a difference.
This survey provided me with some valuable observations. First and foremost, all teachers have been sculpted in a variety of different ways but they all hold a deep devotion to their students. In fact, "Personal Vocation" was a common reason for why my participants chose teaching as their profession. Also, three quarters of the participants enjoyed building relationships with students more than any other aspect of their job. It was clear that the teachers that I spoke with were all very determined to help their students and to make a difference. They were also very aware of their short comings, and sensitive to the shortcomings of their students. My participants all warmed my heart with their optimistic approach to learning in spite of their own fears or personal obstacles.
My research data showed that each teacher got into the profession for similar reasons but all experience the job in different ways. What each participant found challenging seemed somewhat varied, but I felt that this was a positive observation. The link between personal attributes and teaching approach showed that each teacher prioritizes different classroom/professional based themes. This observation, paired with the diversity in self-identified teacher challenges, means that students will likely be exposed to an assortment of teaching and learning styles. The classroom environment that each participant establishes will likely be distinct. They may be primarily based around an optimistic approach to learning, but windows, pathways, and activities provided to students will bring different experiences for each learner.
Lastly, each teacher was asked to identify some personal attributes that they believe help them in the professional world. Every teacher felt they were "good at building relationships with students," and all but one participant felt that they were "hard working," and "very patient."
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These three atributes seem to reappear consistently with each participant. Regardless of age, or age group being taught, these characteristics were valued with high regard. The options for personal attributes were very mixed and ambitious in their selection, which may point to a positive sign in the profession; that a great diversity in learning styles awaits a possibly greater diversity in teacher attributes. I feel that this contrast is beneficial for students as it exposes them to different learning environments.
Upon first glance, it may be hard to see a link between many of these personal and professional approaches. However, subtle bonds did emerge and became topics of conversation between myself and the participants. For example:
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Teacher 1 appreciated their "space" when at home but also encouraged independence from his students.
Teacher 2 felt their personal attitude was a "glass half full find set," and also said that she was very in the workplace with big ambitions for her students.
Teacher 3 was anxious in her personal life and privatized teaching essential life skills and problem solving
Teacher 4 was an over thinker, who was fearful (check next table) about judgment, and aimed to build student self-esteem
Teacher 5 had strong family ties but suffered from anxiety. She prioritized nurturing her students, establishing strong bonds, and building self esteem
Teacher 6 was a self diagnosed "worrier" who valued a very safe learning environment for her students
Teacher 7 was another participant who appreciated strong bonds with family/friends and valued strong bonds with her students and staff
Teacher 8 was a very warm personality who clearly appreciated her family and kids. She showed a similar level of admiration for her students
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Some of the participants were aware that their preferences extended into the classroom but there were several situations where they initially denied their personal attributes playing a major part in their teaching persona. Teacher 1 claimed that they felt like two different people at work and at home, it was only until we discussed the recorded notes that they started to see the connection. A strong majority of the teachers giggled when given the opportunity to compare their own answers and make similar observations. Teacher 6 said she cannot make a decision at home and that it has frustrated her partner, but at work she felt that she had much more confidence and determination. Moreover, this wasn't an uncommon theme, Several participants claimed that they were quite different at home. A common theme emerged where they felt like home gave them the opportunity to rest their mind. It was as if they took a break from being decisive, responsible, or determined because it helped them relax or find comfort.